Coatable Quote

The top honours went to the home team of IIT Madras, which depicted men dancing with one ball each.

- Newsletter Coordinator on Choreo-Nite

Saarang Quite-a-Quote

Should I give MY pen also to the GA people.

‐Participant at Cluedo on being asked to return pens.

A hand and a cock go hand in hand.

- A Jam participant

Had Eiffel Tower been the size of my tower!

- An extempore participant

Perhaps the grass is greener from your side.

- An extempore participant

Even Ducky is better than him.

‐ Audience number on Radio Joker Yo‐yo

A friend in hand is worth two in the bush. My question is, in whose bush?

- PR Core

Blow harder blow harder!! Size does matter!

‐ Vodafone chick during the Balloon Blowing Contest

Nice try for you to comment on global warming. You are the ones heating‐up our campus.

‐Audience number on MCC

Firang Female to a frustrated Spons Coord: Where is the rest room?

Spons Coord (Manages to hear “restroom” as “the Rush”): Go to the Hospi Desk and fill a form. You have to be in teams of ten. If there are more than 15 teams, u can participate only if u get selected in the lucky draw.

Firang Female: Is this how you do it in India?

My mother likes eighteen year-old boys... as daughter-in-law (this is the one that got misquoted all over the papers, He knows what He said!)

- A Jam participant

He also has claimed to have performed with Elton John.

- The girl in the show on the judge

What did I do to deserve this?

- Judge of the cookery contest, after looking at a certain entry she was supposed to taste

When a Photography Coord on a computer was suggested to press “Alt+F4”, she pressed ‘Alt’ and ‘F’ and asked a vol to press ‘4’.

Earlier, the same Coord, while logging into a computer of her Department Computing Facilities, saw some guys trying to peek into her password. She promptly responded by moving the Computer monitor out of their view of sight and then continuing to type her password.

Just lower your expectations and go to Himalayas.

- Sanjeev Kapoor, perfectly unaware of the name of our mess facilities

Too many wives spoil the froth.

- A Jam participant

Oh, by the way, you are from which newspaper?

- Cookery contest judge after enthusiastically rattling off a bevy of details about the event to the newsletter correspondent.

One person each from all the benches which have three people sitting please go and sit on a bench with two people.

- Main Quiz Coord who actually wanted only two people to sit on a bench

What is Lucky Ali's number for Vodafone voting?

- Audience member at OAT

There has to be cummation for summation.

- A participant at Extempore explaining how
coming is important for population growth

Sanjeev Kapoor is lecturing on '30 things to die before you eat'

- Hospi-Desk

Saarang is a rickety bus and we are all holding the parts together.

- Spons Core

We know math is not your strong point.

- Newsletter Coords to The Events core.

I am left partner less da. That guy refused to come with me.

- Tapti freshie on the eve of scrabble finals.

Hold it, guys.

- Instructor at dance workshop

Gimme Tamil and I’ll run Saarang alone.

- Big Brother

Mostly cylindrical.

- India Quiz Coord on being asked what his power was

This raga............is very.........useful...... to be............... yout..h... ful.

- Grand old performer at Classical Nite

The gay people adopted the rainbow colours da. We can’t help it.

- Design Core

Show bum or Shoban or whatever.

- Spons Coord to his core.

Events Core: No da. I am not gay. I do notice boobs.
Spons Core: The only boobs you have ever seen are mine.

The Guangdong province in China is one of the second most polluted in the world.

- Audience member at the debate.

One of the debaters swayed during his speech
with such regularity that we actually used him
to keep track of time.

When asked to put forth their closing remarks, the damsels
started flickering like an old tube light, having lost their
composure.

The high point of the debate was a loud recitation of
Tiruvalluvar quotes which rendered the atmosphere vibrant,
although we could comprehend exactly as much as we
could have deciphered a verse in Swahili.

- Newsletter team during India Development Debate

When most elocution lovers would have preferred to wait
outside the auditorium and wait for the event to
finish, the made‐of‐titanium Newsletter
correspondent sat through it.

- Gel

Cute Quote

The biggest enemy of great is good.

- DEEP KALRA

Sanjeev Kapoor and The Cookery Contaste

A celebration of culture can never be complete without cuisine. Who else but the poster-boy of Indian cookery could be the best person to flag-off the newly introduced Cookery Contest at Saarang? The chef extraordinaire was here yesterday afternoon to present a list of 30 things to eat before you die. A delay of 2 hours only increased the appetite of the audience but what came afterwards was well worth the wait.

Sanjeev started-off the lecture by talking about himself and his pursuit of a rather unconventional profession. Then he proceeded to present his comprehensive list, at some times informative and at others nostalgic. The anecdotes and jokes meticulously inserted in his presentation convinced each one of us why he is regarded as one of the most sought after television personalities as well. The lecture finished at a high point after a series of interesting question-and-answer exchanges with a visibly enthusiastic audience. This was followed by an exclusive interview with the Newsletter correspondents.

Correspondent: The term which comes immediately in our minds when we think of Sanjeev Kapoor is Khana-Khazana. How did Khana-Khazana happen?

Sanjeev: It all began at a point of time when satellite television was new in India. Different chefs were being approached for launching an interactive cookery show. Zee TV approached me with a name Srimaan Bawarchi, to which I immediately responded with a ‘No’. This was when I had reached the peak of my professional career albeit at a very early age of 28.

C. After the success of the show, many other cookery shows also poured in. But they did not enjoy as much adulation as your show, which has been on air for 15 years. What is the secret behind the longevity of Khana Khazana?

S. Khana Khazana is a complete package. With the extensive research carried out by us, we have a better understanding of the interests of the viewers. The core value being - cooking what viewers can replicate. Explaining the recipe in detail yet keeping the format simple enough to not look boring is what makes us connect with the audience. After every show, we make it a point to think from the viewer’s perspective.

C. What does it take to become a world-class chef? Is it only exceptional cooking skills or do presentation and soft skills take the cake?

S. Soft skills are equally important. If you cook well, you might be a brilliant cook but it takes beyond just cooking to make a chef. Not only the art and the science of cooking but the management of cooking is also what a chef needs to excel in.

C. How do you manage to come-up with numerous new recipes? Do you keep on experimenting with the ingredients while you are cooking, just like a scientist?

S. (Smiles) Being familiar with (the) ingredients lets you make predictions in your mind. For example, you know that adding sugar to a dish will make it sweet. The variations, therefore, are never startling. Although, most of it depends on instincts.

C. The success of pizza and noodles in Indian food market is quite palpable. Are the Indian food-items equally successful in western countries?

S. Yes, of course. Indian food is no 1 in UK. Chicken Tikka Masala is the national dish in England. Our spices and flavours are extensively used by western cooks to spice-up their dishes.

C. What is the secret behind the success of the Indian curry?

S. Indian curry has a unique blend (of spices). In our curries, we use 10-15-20 different herbs and spices. It’s more like a modern day doctor who recommends 7-8 medicines with a hope that something will work. (Similarly,) Something out of that magic blend works.

C. Even though cooking is women’s forte in Indian households, why do you think men still make better chefs?

S. Men are not more successful but more in numbers. Cooking as a profession is physical and laborious in nature. Women are also expected to look after household. A father can work. It’s more to do with the social structure.

C. We all know that you pursued a hotel management course not in vogue despite being an academically brilliant student because you wanted to do something different and bizarre. Given your famous love for the bizarre, what are the other interesting activities that you enjoy?

S. Learning new skills always interests me. I agreed to judge Jhalak Dikhlaja because it was very different. I’ve also been a percussionist and used to play for a band.

C. Thank you very much. It’s been a pleasure meeting you.

S. The pleasure is all mine!

The lecture was followed by an innovative contest which lacked fire and was doing away with hot & cold water instead. Thanks to the creative cooking of the contestants, with utter modesty, the event went ahead of the ‘30 things to eat before you die’ to ‘30 things to eat in order to die’. Apparently, the teams started making crazy concoctions of the eatables lying on the tables to create something so intriguing that the judge reacted with “Please take me home early”. The workshop ended on a tit-for-tat note when the event organizer was forced to drink the winning potion and the judge who had tasted it stood flashing a contented smile.

U for UNR

The expression on the two spectators must have made you realize that the ***** going on here is nothing less that the Ram-Bharat milaap scene of Andaz Apna Apna. Whoever said that the duo believes in over dramatization!

Below is an interview of a newsletter coordinator (bossed by PR core) by a visitor of http://blog.saarang.org/2007/11/01/you-3/

“Who are you?”

A question is but a squirt of inquisitiveness or a test of edification which, in the status quo, happens to be an insult of omniscience. The only righteous response to a question is an answer. Our answer is “We are he". The feminist fingers can hereafter rest in peace for this is mere boisterousness of male emancipation in its quest for the Holy Grail.

“Oh, whatever...but what do you do?”

To do or not to do - that, my friend, is not even a question. It's a mere mortal's fight for attaining martyrdom in the battlefield of procrastination. We have been doing that for ages and can continue to do so. But, for the unflinching and undaunted nitwits we are, we set out for inking the unbridled ubiquitous utopia of Saarang by the ukase of Uncle Duck(y). Unction is in the offing for taking umbrage and those unassuaged by the uncanny unctuousness are hereby lent freedom to be unwontedly uncouth. To put it simply, we upbraid and we do that to everyone.

“What the fish is this ‘U’ thing?”

The public usage of the thing mentioned by you in an air being inhaled by any IITian is an act of utmost profanity which may trigger fatal epileptic fits and I urge you to stop doing that right away. We were asked to tell you that this Saarang it's you, or rather the both of you. So we are just doing our duty, you see. Puff! Sigh! Don't you ever mention that thing again!

“Oh, go climb a mountain. I know what you did last winter. Completely failing to connect those S for Saarang words and then failing all over again with N for Newsletter words have driven you bananas. Here you are, making a forced and convoluted attempt with U for u know what.”

Gawd! She’s good!

it's time

Time up! You know you're already running out of time when you come across anything of this sort. The Geek Gods are about to open their arms and it's all happening right there, in GeeCe**.

Wordsworth has already submitted his final entry for the lyrics of The Rock Show @ Saarang. Believe it or not, after death, he has grown into a death metal fan wishing to come alive for the show. The footfalls of the show have started tickling the pounding hearts of thousands of zealous youths across the nation who are waiting for Saarang with bated breath.

GeeCe**: Gajendra Circle, the central intelligence unit of Geeklandia, also known as IIT Madras.

***For the perverted pinheads amongst you, FYI: The author's talking about the pen of Shakespeare which has gone out of control. I repeat it's Shakespeare's long thin pen!

How Stupid of Me

How stupid of me! Here I am, having a sip of cappuccino and enjoying the light moments, remembering the lightest moments of my life. I think of my tryst with Monaco – munching heavily and trying to feel light. Light it was but lightest – surely not. The next moment I remember that Giga-Newton column of liquid I got rid (pissed, literally) of in the toilet an hour ago and relive the light moments consequent to the holy act. At this instant, I feel like betting my bottom rupee on those being the lightest moments of my life. Soon enough, I start feeling pathetic, small and repentant. How stupid of me for I have not yet considered the Light Music Show @ Saarang. For the ignorant, Saarang LM Night is yet another night in my life, albeit comparable to none other, which makes me say "The juice was worth the squeeze". To be modest, it's just a night of trance, a night of pulsating melody when some Shankar asks his friends Ehsaan & Loy if Dil Chahta Hai and imparts gyaan about life having kabhi khushi kabhi gham. Sometimes the night is marked by another bloke called Sukhwinder Singh, the same great saint who recites Omkara and Kisna . It is the same light night, my comrade, when I got to sway with this girl for the first time – the girl who's sipping at my cappuccino right now and the same girl who's ready to pay for it ;). But looking at it retrospectively, all I can say is "How stupid of me!"

Creativetti

Creativity is the art of churning your pool of thoughts until you get a cream never seen before and then siphoning off that cream.

Before you hold the magic wand of creativity, all you need to recite is - "rules and structuring can go to hell". Moreover, to create something distinctive and originally creative, you must be a virgin. I fully understand that it's too hard to resist the lust for William, Wilde & Wodehouse but you can still make a humble attempt by reciting this every morning at 11:59:59 - "at least two of them are gay!"

All the kids whining about my modest reading and watching can stop whining now or continue to do so. I am still not too embarrassed about having completed 5 novels and watched 1 season of
my only series in my entire courtship with vision.

Holiday Homework (Ki Workshop)

Q. What qualities are essential to be a good trainer?

A good trainer, apart from being well-versed in the subject of training, needs to be affable and amicable. He should be able to connect with his trainees and maintain a spontaneous flow of his knowledge and experience while exhibiting patience and exuberance. Given all the above ingredients, the dish appears to be perfectly cooked and served hot. Taste it and you will instantly yell, “Where’s the goddamn salt?" That salt is wit.

A good trainer is like a train. He needs to come to halt where his trainees don't understand. He should end the day's journey when the trainees are exhausted. He needs to work at the right pace in accordance with the grasping speed of the trainees. He must blow the whistle as and when needed to enforce discipline. Like a good train, a good trainer is punctual, and takes the passengers to the destination safely!

A good trainer is always open to feedback and changes his way of teaching accordingly. Teaching is an art and a good trainer understands that art is not just a dry means of communication but an expression in style, often pleasant and interesting.

Ready for Deployment