Friday, March 21, 2008

Holi kab hai, kab hai Holi?

I hate Holi. Seriously. What is Holi? Isn't it a mere reason to lose the monotony of the colour of your skin, the same skin that marks your identity - black, brown, white (in alphabetical order, albeit any palpable bias is not deeply regretted) or anywhere in between. The colour of your skin can make you a teeth-and-eye-guy, a tree-trunk, a tubelight or, in some cases, even a God (ref: Hindu Mythology). May I take this opportunity to submit that it's the same attribute of your personality which has won races around the world known by different names like 'Formula A for Apartheid' , 'Tubelight Burden of Fight Club & Rude yard fame' and 'Gehuan the wheatish complexion - a mystery en route'.

Coming back. Holi. Why Holi? What in the world can be a justification for the humongous amount of dye, paint, grease, mud, cow-dung, other forms of shit, tap-water, tank-water, hand-pump water, well-water, tub-water, bucket-water, rain-water(try spending Holi in Chennai), drain-water, and all other variants of the colourful and the colourless being wasted on a mortal human? Isn't it a mockery of the serious research going on in the Chemistry Labs of IIT Madras (ref:Bhaand) that one-mile-long-molecular-formula-chemicals are being used just for fun? And that too in such huge dosages!

Where Holi? The toughest part of the byzantine problem is that Holi can be played anywhere in the world - air, water, land, outside home, inside home (better talk to your mom before this one), on the street, on the roof-top, on the water tank (ref:Dharmendra and his chakki), forests, grasslands, deserts (if carrying a pot of water for kilometres is not Rocket Science for you), and even in India( ya, sometimes people play it here, although not so enthusiastically in the northern parts of the Asian country. Or is it the other way?). So, with so many choices, this festival confuses your intellect and thus I say, my comrade, that it's better to hate it. Hate it for else you will fall in love with it till death. Hate it for the people hiding during the mad festival will hate you more for tearing their undergarments and throwing them into mud.

Moving on. How Holi? It's one of those cases where hands do a good job and you know that a good handjob is illegitimate in the country. Again, the instruments used in the sling operation resemble banned diagrams of human anatomy and the misuse of contraceptives as balloons has caused a great increase in the percentage error of Say-no-to-AIDS statistics.

Who Holi? Considering the undeniable fact that only fun-loving, enthusiastic, and lively people can play it, Holi fans overlook the question - what will the chickens do meanwhile? Hiding their asses and donkeys in some isolated corners of hostels and a marathon run when caught is all they can do.

'nuf said. I hate Holi. You are free to do the same. Thank you for being on my side.

Issued in public interest: Clean Holi Green Holi!


Condom said...

Rokin agn!

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

marina said...

Holi is a festival of colors and togetherness. So send Holi greeting cards to all your loved ones in a clolourful way. Celebrate Holi in a special way by distributing love and warm wishes with free colorful ecard . Happy Holi!!!