Sunday, February 25, 2007

Love @ IIT

Sitting on the grass

Beside the lush waters of the lake

Guarded by wild forest

With deer and bucks playing around

There are just the two of us

With her head on my shoulder

And my arm wrapped around her.

I talk of the moon, the ripples, the twinkling stars

The breeze caresses her

And plays with her hair

A few naughty ones fall on her forehead

I push them aside, meticulously

And fondle her right cheek

She cuddles me up

I embrace her

The night beholds us silently

Peeking through the North, South, East and West.

Under the shade of the sky

In the lap of land

Two hearts celebrate the joy of love.

The trees sway and swing

On the lullaby of wind

Creatures chirp and applaud

The moon smiles up there

The clouds flash dimples

And then...crashes the universe

The alarm of my clock bangs

It’s already 8:58

I had a paper at 8.


BoFi said...

Few small things...
'And fondle her right cheek'
That somehow does not come can perhaps caress instead, but fondle is almost as if you were pinching them!

'The alarm of my clock bangs'
Why does it bang?? Why can it not ring or tinkle or do other alarm clock like things? Is this for emphasis?

Otherwise, brilliant poem!!! The lines before the alarm are particularly nice. And the breeze! IMHO your best yet...although I am not sure you want to put it in fourth estate :P

~ThePrinceOfVersia` said...


I referred to dictionaries and found fondle to be used correctly.

According to Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary:
transitive verb
1 obsolete : PAMPER
2 : to handle tenderly, lovingly, or lingeringly : CARESS
intransitive verb : to show affection or desire by caressing

According to Cambridge Adv Learner's:
to touch gently and in a loving way, or to touch in a sexual way:
She fondled the puppies.
He gently fondled the baby's feet.

Yeah, the alarm bangs to emphasize the shattering of the dream.

Lots of thanks for the review and pampering. And yours is not a humble but the most revered opinion for me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna put it in TFE.