Sitting on the grass
Beside the lush waters of the lake
Guarded by wild forest
With deer and bucks playing around
There are just the two of us
With her head on my shoulder
And my arm wrapped around her.
I talk of the moon, the ripples, the twinkling stars
The breeze caresses her
And plays with her hair
A few naughty ones fall on her forehead
I push them aside, meticulously
And fondle her right cheek
She cuddles me up
I embrace her
The night beholds us silently
Peeking through the North, South, East and West.
Under the shade of the sky
In the lap of land
Two hearts celebrate the joy of love.
The trees sway and swing
On the lullaby of wind
Creatures chirp and applaud
The moon smiles up there
The clouds flash dimples
And then...crashes the universe
The alarm of my clock bangs
It’s already 8:58
I had a paper at 8.
2 comments:
Few small things...
'And fondle her right cheek'
That somehow does not come of...you can perhaps caress instead, but fondle is almost as if you were pinching them!
'The alarm of my clock bangs'
Why does it bang?? Why can it not ring or tinkle or do other alarm clock like things? Is this for emphasis?
Otherwise, brilliant poem!!! The lines before the alarm are particularly nice. And the breeze! IMHO your best yet...although I am not sure you want to put it in fourth estate :P
@bofi
I referred to dictionaries and found fondle to be used correctly.
According to Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary:
transitive verb
1 obsolete : PAMPER
2 : to handle tenderly, lovingly, or lingeringly : CARESS
intransitive verb : to show affection or desire by caressing
According to Cambridge Adv Learner's:
to touch gently and in a loving way, or to touch in a sexual way:
She fondled the puppies.
He gently fondled the baby's feet.
Yeah, the alarm bangs to emphasize the shattering of the dream.
Lots of thanks for the review and pampering. And yours is not a humble but the most revered opinion for me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna put it in TFE.
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