Wednesday, November 12, 2008


Very rarely do i get so restless. Perhaps after years. Don't know where to go, what to do. One plain question and it has just stirred me.

Background: All through my childhood, i fancy of becoming an army man one day. Firing bullets from behind the dressing table with my brand new machine gun manufactured by none other than Leo Toys, i have a feeling that i can single-handedly tackle all those soldiers, tanks, and aircrafts, much similar to the ones displayed in Shaastra.
Then comes adolescence and comes along the lure of paisa. I start dreaming of opening some firms and having a pool of gold coins to swim (DD Metro 6 pm: DuckTales). Then everyone, damn everyone around me starts singing IIT hymns and a myth that an IIT hallmark is the entry ticket for joining the circus of the most intelligent of the most intelligent species on the planet catches me. The confident guy that i am, i think i am built for IIT (or the other way). JEE happens. With all those saas-bahu operas of Ekta Kapoor, no blessings of any Bansal and no determination to complete H C Verma, i miss the cut-off. As they say, uparwala jo bhi karta hai achhe ke liye hi karta hai and i join FIITJEE with a lesson in mind that you gotta put some ass in the mill to get the meat out. JEE happens again.

Elec @ IITM: It is one of those feelings which come when you have a feeling that you are laughing for the wrong reasons. With no clue of or care for what lies ahead, for the first few months, i have fun in life. And the amount of fun it is, all i can say is i can't handle any more.
But something gets completely changed all this while. Somewhere, i don't know where, a sense of satisfaction comes into existence. Now satisfaction is one big word. I become generally happy in life and all of a sudden, my needs of becoming a billionaire lose air. It just becomes too small a motivation to own palatial houses and drive all kinds of Mercs and even a small contribution to making a few people's life better seems worth much more. I think i have some clue that not all are enjoying a raise in their living standards with India shining and this is what bugs me.

The question: After a few years, what do i want to say when someone asks me what do you do? There are some clues to the riddle which come when i ask myself what makes me happy. But it becomes really dark after reaching the last stage of the game where there are two ways out. There is this corporate world full of glamour and money with opportunities to grow and satisfy those management and leadership urges in the global b-arena. And then there is this administration job of an IAS which gives you authority and capability to bring about a change in the lives of people who need it the most. Only industrialization can transform an impoverished society like ours and govt. administration has an important part to play(or better yet, not to play). Putting bluntly, corporate world is the key to a Ramraj and administration is the bottleneck. What i haven't figured out yet is - where do i fit in?

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