Saturday, February 21, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Bliss
You are woken up by a Maulvi's song dipped in deep devotion flowing into your ears like honey. You go to the hostel's terrace and behold the whole blue world being painted with a small bottle of yellow liquid. Then someone launches rare migratory birds from the heavily thick jungle around as you breathe in and out perfectly according to the instructions of a baba of stomach-game-show fame. You tell yourself - if there exists bliss, it is this, it is this.
And then, my comrade, you have the breakfast. Yes, it is that moment when you would like to thank your parents, friends, and blog readers for their good wishes that you became smart enough to break into the mess at times when you mess around unconsciously in your bed. You have the breakfast which has long been forgotten by your taste buds inspired by Ghajini's killer. And then you pick up your brand new camera and spend some time with deers and birds at the lovely lake-shore, until crows and dogs take over. Some of the street-dogs shout bow bow...insaan, main tera khoon pee jaunga...gurrr and run after you. And as you run for life, you see a Prof who knows you passing by giving you a weird look, completely unaware of your situation. You tell yourself - if their exists bliss, it is this, it is this.
Now that you have had a nice jog in the morning at sufficiently high speed, you come straight to the 9 am class 10 mins early, which is by far your best timing to any class since eternity. Trying to keep the traditions alive, you return to the class 25 mins later, while you read nonsensical blogs in the DCF. The Prof, who happens to be your BTP Guide (Project Totally Bakwaas) welcomes you with - You're looking like a stranger, Apoorva. I can't recall the last time I saw you. Was it in some BTP meeting long back? No, must have been this class in early January.
You spend the rest of the class-time clicking photos of the Prof using your friend's cellphone. Your duty for the day is over and you crash like a MIG-21 at 10 am in your I-don't-have-a-broom room defying all laws of body clock. You tell yourself - if their exists bliss, it is this, it is this.
-
Everything's perfect. It's your last elec course. And you've attended three classes till date. You didn't bother to get any notes photo-copied. Still, with full confidence, you walk into the exam hall. And the invigilator's distributing two courses' papers. He asks, "Which course? Which course? Which goddamn course?" And you know that you don't know the answer.
Okie that might not be bliss exactly.
And then, my comrade, you have the breakfast. Yes, it is that moment when you would like to thank your parents, friends, and blog readers for their good wishes that you became smart enough to break into the mess at times when you mess around unconsciously in your bed. You have the breakfast which has long been forgotten by your taste buds inspired by Ghajini's killer. And then you pick up your brand new camera and spend some time with deers and birds at the lovely lake-shore, until crows and dogs take over. Some of the street-dogs shout bow bow...insaan, main tera khoon pee jaunga...gurrr and run after you. And as you run for life, you see a Prof who knows you passing by giving you a weird look, completely unaware of your situation. You tell yourself - if their exists bliss, it is this, it is this.
Now that you have had a nice jog in the morning at sufficiently high speed, you come straight to the 9 am class 10 mins early, which is by far your best timing to any class since eternity. Trying to keep the traditions alive, you return to the class 25 mins later, while you read nonsensical blogs in the DCF. The Prof, who happens to be your BTP Guide (Project Totally Bakwaas) welcomes you with - You're looking like a stranger, Apoorva. I can't recall the last time I saw you. Was it in some BTP meeting long back? No, must have been this class in early January.
You spend the rest of the class-time clicking photos of the Prof using your friend's cellphone. Your duty for the day is over and you crash like a MIG-21 at 10 am in your I-don't-have-a-broom room defying all laws of body clock. You tell yourself - if their exists bliss, it is this, it is this.
-
Everything's perfect. It's your last elec course. And you've attended three classes till date. You didn't bother to get any notes photo-copied. Still, with full confidence, you walk into the exam hall. And the invigilator's distributing two courses' papers. He asks, "Which course? Which course? Which goddamn course?" And you know that you don't know the answer.
Okie that might not be bliss exactly.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Well-in-time
Dear *,
Baagon mein bahaar hai?
Kaliyon pe nikhaar hai?Aaj shanivaar hai?
Tumko mujhse pyaar hai?
If your answer to any of the above is na na na na na, please continue reading this. Else, scroll down to the end straightaway!
Ghar mein badi car hai?
Bhai ko bukhaar hai?
Family ijjatdaar hai?
Tumko mujhse pyaar hai?
If your answer to any of the above is na na na na na, please continue reading this. Else, scroll down to the end straightaway!
Filter copy bekaar hai?
Class mein lecture sar ke paar hai?
Quiz ke naam pe aata bukhaar hai?
Tumko mujhse pyaar hai?
If your answer to any of the above is na na na na na, please continue reading this. Else, scroll down to the end straightaway!
Bhagwaan ki leela aprampaar hai?
Lunch mein papad, achar hai?
Tu ek chatur naar hai?
Tumko mujhse pyaar hai?
If your answer to any of the above is na na na na na, please continue reading this. Else, scroll down to the end straightaway!
Tifanys pe udhaar hai?
Mess-card checker samajhdaar hai?
Friend khake leti dakaar hai?
Tumko mujhse pyaar hai?
If your answer to any of the above is na na na na na, please continue reading this. Else, scroll down to the end straightaway!
IIT junta despo hazaar hai?
Shakal se lachar hai?
Phir bhi samajhdaar hai?
Tumko mujhse pyaar hai?
If your answer to any of the above is na na na na na, please continue reading this. Else, scroll down to the end straightaway!
Lib mein books ki bharmaar hai?
Entrance pe baitha hawaldaar hai?
ID-card bhoolna kai baar hai?
Tumko mujhse pyaar hai?
If your answer to any of the above is na na na na na, please continue reading this. Else, scroll down to the end straightaway!
Dept mein sidhiyon ki kataar hai?
Cycle ka bantadhaar hai?
Mithun ki film Tadipaar hai?
Tumko mujhse pyaar hai?
If your answer to any of the above is na na na na na, please continue reading this. Else, scroll down to the end straightaway!
Guru mein juice orange, anar hai?
CLT sadak ke us paar hai?
Valentine ke din dil bekaraar hai?
Tumko mujhse pyaar hai?
If your answer to any of the above is na na na na na, please continue reading this. Else, you have reached the end anyway!
Aaj astrology forecast mein
Sandal ya thappad ki maar hai;
Superman, batman, shaktimaan,
Na lagta mera rishtedaar hai.
Phir bhi ek dialogue bolta hun,
Film ka naam sarkaar hai -
Mujhe jo sahi lagta hai main karta hun,
Tu haan kar ya na kar *,
Apun ko to tujh se hi pyaar hai!
If it's still no,
Ek pyaar ke pyaare panchhi pe
Ye kaisa emosanal attyachar hai?
Friday, February 13, 2009
She's the Best!
"Women, who comprise half the world's population, do two thirds of the world's work, earn one tenth of the world's income and own one hundredth of the world's property (Gender and Society)." - UN in 1980
Men are insecure beings. If women are let out of homes, men will be driven out of work. I can only speak of my world and if you're a man reading this, get hold of a kerchief bro. If you are a woman, it's an honour to have you here.
There are various virtues human beings have exemplified over the past many turns of galaxies. And there are various actions governed by those virtues. In my humble opinion, the most valuable of them all is sacrifice. For men, getting the spelling right is the first step to learning it. The second never comes. We use other men and women in our lives as steps to lead us to everything for personal upliftment. Women do that too but so rarely. At least the ones I have encountered are ready to sacrifice their pride, ego, growth in life, precious time, and so much more for their loved ones. On the contrary, men seldom sacrifice something like personal growth and have a very different set of priorities.
As I see it, women keep integrity, loyalty, duty, and love as their most important dharma. Perhaps men tend to keep attainment of goals and prestige higher up in the list. We live in an illusion that we are courageous in our pursuits. How many of us will have the balls to walk through a dark lonely street late at night returning from a call centre with the whole world full of human vultures staring at us through unseen peepholes? If you wish to be acting courageous, be a man. But talking of rock solid courage, try being a woman. The fact that men resort to violence speaks of their weakness and failure to accommodate the strong point of view being offered. It might be nonsensical, crazy or out of the male world, but along with that it carries strength so overwhelming that a man, completely unable to hold it, gets rid of it through physical aggression.
Women I have encountered are much more mature than I have ever been and have a very genuine priority list in their lives. They seem to know where, and to what extent, to venture into and when to say quit. They live sincerity and are well mannered. Pardon the generalization but it just happens to be like that in my world. I tried giving a fresh shot at opinions regarding the various samples of the superior sex I have encountered and amazingly, even the ones who seemed a bit incapable at some point of time, looked absolutely perfect with the conformity of their actions vis-a-vis their priority list. With women teaching new lessons everyday to mankind in territories they were long disallowed to enter, it would be no shock if I hear of female institute secretaries, events cores, organizers of speaking and thespian events, erecting new initiatives in the campus and all that through righteous meritocracy laid on an ethical canvas. A Ram never goes through fire but someone else who never touched a sword has the courage to sit through it. In Sita, I trust.
Men are insecure beings. If women are let out of homes, men will be driven out of work. I can only speak of my world and if you're a man reading this, get hold of a kerchief bro. If you are a woman, it's an honour to have you here.
There are various virtues human beings have exemplified over the past many turns of galaxies. And there are various actions governed by those virtues. In my humble opinion, the most valuable of them all is sacrifice. For men, getting the spelling right is the first step to learning it. The second never comes. We use other men and women in our lives as steps to lead us to everything for personal upliftment. Women do that too but so rarely. At least the ones I have encountered are ready to sacrifice their pride, ego, growth in life, precious time, and so much more for their loved ones. On the contrary, men seldom sacrifice something like personal growth and have a very different set of priorities.
As I see it, women keep integrity, loyalty, duty, and love as their most important dharma. Perhaps men tend to keep attainment of goals and prestige higher up in the list. We live in an illusion that we are courageous in our pursuits. How many of us will have the balls to walk through a dark lonely street late at night returning from a call centre with the whole world full of human vultures staring at us through unseen peepholes? If you wish to be acting courageous, be a man. But talking of rock solid courage, try being a woman. The fact that men resort to violence speaks of their weakness and failure to accommodate the strong point of view being offered. It might be nonsensical, crazy or out of the male world, but along with that it carries strength so overwhelming that a man, completely unable to hold it, gets rid of it through physical aggression.
Women I have encountered are much more mature than I have ever been and have a very genuine priority list in their lives. They seem to know where, and to what extent, to venture into and when to say quit. They live sincerity and are well mannered. Pardon the generalization but it just happens to be like that in my world. I tried giving a fresh shot at opinions regarding the various samples of the superior sex I have encountered and amazingly, even the ones who seemed a bit incapable at some point of time, looked absolutely perfect with the conformity of their actions vis-a-vis their priority list. With women teaching new lessons everyday to mankind in territories they were long disallowed to enter, it would be no shock if I hear of female institute secretaries, events cores, organizers of speaking and thespian events, erecting new initiatives in the campus and all that through righteous meritocracy laid on an ethical canvas. A Ram never goes through fire but someone else who never touched a sword has the courage to sit through it. In Sita, I trust.
Monday, February 09, 2009
A Could-Have-Been Elocution Piece
Feels so good to be here. Ladies...and the rest of you, surely it's a golden opportunity to speak in the golden edition of Saarang in the golden jubilee year of IIT Madras to win some golden prize money. Surely, it's a quick ticket to fame and name. But is that why I am here? No. No, no no, no no no.
Let's say you're a single guy and you decide to start doing something about it. And then you have an auditorium full of young and gorgeous ladies who make you feel,"Yes, yes!". On that desperate note, I was wondering what the audience is supposed to do when something like this is being presented on stage. Eureka! We have the solution. All you gotta do is take out today's newsletter and start reading it. Or better yet, take out your cellphones and start playing snake. Or better yet, start conversation with the Mary Jane sitting beside you and get yourself a partner for the Dance Workshop. The amount of pleasure and happiness you get by these activities will add to the speech great value. And if you just chill and close your eyes like this, you'll find out that as soon as you're not interested in what I'm saying, your subconsciousness will automatically fade my voice gently out of your senses. Time will fly by for you as you are left to take a sweet nap in an air-conditioned and fully furnished auditorium.
So, are all of us ready? No matter what you say or do, I'll take that as yes. Ladies and the rest of you, I begin my speech entitled - The Complete Dumbass' Guide to Making a Fool of Yourself in Front of Everyone. And I'm quite serious about it. Generally people who keep going on and on like this go on until some one, some man of action, pulls the plug. Luckily for me, I have no plug. I run on solar powered battery, dude! Since time immemorial, I have never stopped and will continue with my nonsensical endeavours for ever and ever. When I played footer during my freshie year in my hostel quadrangle, I didn't score a goal in the entire year. But I didn't give up and by the end of the second year, I scored a goal. An own goal. My first own goal.
So my speech's chapter 1 says - Go get a ticket to have some grass. As in green grass, take a ticket to a green park where you can think of ideas to accomplish this herculean task.
Chapter 2 says - Go get a ticket to Saarang.
Chapter 3 says - Go get a ticket to the stage of Elocution. Don't let them look at all of you. Hide behind a podium and show them just enough to kick-start the fantasy. I know it's tough, but don't you ever yield to the lure of the cordless mic that has kissed so many ladies and is still wet.
Chapter 4 says - Go get a ticket to read from a page.
Chapter 5, the final chapter, says - Ensure that there are no eggs and tomatoes in the auditorium. And that there are only and only bathroom slippers to be used by the audience to react.
I take immense pleasure in announcing that this speech is the revised edition of an earlier one and hence, as with every revised textbook of engineering, there is a supplementary, rather complementary chapter, which goes like this - Forrest's mom says life is like a box of fingers. You never know what you are gonna get. So if you want to make a fool of yourself, just do it. Do it before God's fingers play the dice.
And that brings us to the end of my speech. Within 2-3 days, Saarang will be over and none of you will remember this historic speech. But make sure you always remember the guy who delivered it, cuz someone inside you is saying that this guy has a sense of humour, and is romantic. Although nobody had a clue about it until today.
Thank you.
Let's say you're a single guy and you decide to start doing something about it. And then you have an auditorium full of young and gorgeous ladies who make you feel,"Yes, yes!". On that desperate note, I was wondering what the audience is supposed to do when something like this is being presented on stage. Eureka! We have the solution. All you gotta do is take out today's newsletter and start reading it. Or better yet, take out your cellphones and start playing snake. Or better yet, start conversation with the Mary Jane sitting beside you and get yourself a partner for the Dance Workshop. The amount of pleasure and happiness you get by these activities will add to the speech great value. And if you just chill and close your eyes like this, you'll find out that as soon as you're not interested in what I'm saying, your subconsciousness will automatically fade my voice gently out of your senses. Time will fly by for you as you are left to take a sweet nap in an air-conditioned and fully furnished auditorium.
So, are all of us ready? No matter what you say or do, I'll take that as yes. Ladies and the rest of you, I begin my speech entitled - The Complete Dumbass' Guide to Making a Fool of Yourself in Front of Everyone. And I'm quite serious about it. Generally people who keep going on and on like this go on until some one, some man of action, pulls the plug. Luckily for me, I have no plug. I run on solar powered battery, dude! Since time immemorial, I have never stopped and will continue with my nonsensical endeavours for ever and ever. When I played footer during my freshie year in my hostel quadrangle, I didn't score a goal in the entire year. But I didn't give up and by the end of the second year, I scored a goal. An own goal. My first own goal.
So my speech's chapter 1 says - Go get a ticket to have some grass. As in green grass, take a ticket to a green park where you can think of ideas to accomplish this herculean task.
Chapter 2 says - Go get a ticket to Saarang.
Chapter 3 says - Go get a ticket to the stage of Elocution. Don't let them look at all of you. Hide behind a podium and show them just enough to kick-start the fantasy. I know it's tough, but don't you ever yield to the lure of the cordless mic that has kissed so many ladies and is still wet.
Chapter 4 says - Go get a ticket to read from a page.
Chapter 5, the final chapter, says - Ensure that there are no eggs and tomatoes in the auditorium. And that there are only and only bathroom slippers to be used by the audience to react.
I take immense pleasure in announcing that this speech is the revised edition of an earlier one and hence, as with every revised textbook of engineering, there is a supplementary, rather complementary chapter, which goes like this - Forrest's mom says life is like a box of fingers. You never know what you are gonna get. So if you want to make a fool of yourself, just do it. Do it before God's fingers play the dice.
And that brings us to the end of my speech. Within 2-3 days, Saarang will be over and none of you will remember this historic speech. But make sure you always remember the guy who delivered it, cuz someone inside you is saying that this guy has a sense of humour, and is romantic. Although nobody had a clue about it until today.
Thank you.
The Pursuit of Bhoot
Right since childhood days, I have been fond of Bhoot uncle. Isn't it amazing how he can manifest through dark scary images and travel with the speed of light uhh I mean darkness? I have heard that he has special affection for vulnerable characters, especially innocent kids and gorgeous chics and takes them to his place. Imagine a place having just cute kids and gorgeous girls. Hehe, I know it sounds tempting. Every day, I take a walk in a thick haunted jungle at 2:30 am just to have a rendezvous with him. Bhoot uncle, I know you're reading this. See ya at 2:30 am tonight. Sweet dreams, good day. Andhera kaayam hai.
P.S. I won't be alone, as usual.
P.S. I won't be alone, as usual.
Show up, Bhoot dude!
I am knowing you are listening. Helloooo...
Help! Bachao! Bhoot!Saturday, February 07, 2009
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Ass a whole!
Never had a fight
Never proposed to a girl
Never scored in quizzes
Highest Marks or null.
Never typed in chat window
ROTFL or LOL,
O dear holy mother
I bet I'm an asshole.
Never threw in class
Chalkpiece on Prof,
Never wore torn jeans,
No chic's pic did morph.
Never cheated in exams,
Not a Lays from SAC I stole,
O dear holy mother,
I bet I'm an asshole.
Never smoked grass
Never smelled weed
No freshie did harass
No textbook did read
Never hit a six
Only score's an own goal
O dear holy mother
I bet I'm an asshole.
Never had a tea
Or sutta in Tarams
Never broke any guitar
Or punctured hostel's drums
Never played AOE
Never fired in the hole
O dear holy mother
I bet I'm an asshole.
Never proposed to a girl
Never scored in quizzes
Highest Marks or null.
Never typed in chat window
ROTFL or LOL,
O dear holy mother
I bet I'm an asshole.
Never threw in class
Chalkpiece on Prof,
Never wore torn jeans,
No chic's pic did morph.
Never cheated in exams,
Not a Lays from SAC I stole,
O dear holy mother,
I bet I'm an asshole.
Never smoked grass
Never smelled weed
No freshie did harass
No textbook did read
Never hit a six
Only score's an own goal
O dear holy mother
I bet I'm an asshole.
Never had a tea
Or sutta in Tarams
Never broke any guitar
Or punctured hostel's drums
Never played AOE
Never fired in the hole
O dear holy mother
I bet I'm an asshole.
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